All parents have the tendency to become over protective of their children especially in this day and age wherein danger lurks almost anywhere.
However, while most of the time we think that we’re just doing what is right for our kids, we don’t realize that some of our actions are too much to an extent that it hinders their growth.
While yes, it is our duty to protect them from harm, we have to keep in mind that in time, we will leave them behind and they have to face the world on their own. Instead of doing everything for our kids, let us train them into developing their own skills and talents so they can easily overcome challenges that will come in their way.
Here are the 7 parenting behavior that may hinder your child’s growth.
1. Not allowing your children to experience any form of risk.
Yes, this is a dangerous world we live in. There is risk almost everywhere. Whether it’s physical, emotional, financial, we can get harmed. While it is our job to protect our kids from such risks, not allowing your children to experience any form, like preventing your child to play outside to avoid getting injured or skinned knees, have serious adverse effects. Studies show that most adults who never experienced playing outdoors have acquired certain phobias.
Kids need to fall, get scabs, wounds, and it is normal. Much like when your teenager need to break up with his girlfriend or boyfriend so that they could appreciate emotional maturity that lasting relationships require.
2. Parents who ‘rescue’ too quickly
Most modern parent is guilty of this. When problems arise, we tend to rescue too quickly and over indulge our children with assistance. This behavior removes the need for your child to solve problems on their own which obviously, and eventually will have adverse effects.
Sooner or later, your kids will get used to someone rescuing them and become dependent to an adult solving problems for them. Truth be told, this is not remotely close to how the world works. It disables our kids from becoming competent adults.
3. ‘Everyone gets a trophy’ mentality
The ‘everyone gets a trophy’ (everyone's a winner) mentality was first intended to boost the morale and self-esteem of kids. However, psychologist found that there is an unintended consequences for this practice.
Kids eventually notices that mom and dad are the only ones who think they're awesome as no one else is saying it. When we disregard poor behavior, there is high tendency for the children to learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie. We are basically teaching them to avoid reality when it fact we should condition them to face it.
4. We easily feel guilty
Parents need to learn how to say "no" and "not now". Most of us tend to give rewards to our children especially when they've accomplished a task or did good in school. However, this applies especially to those with multiple children, there are parents who feel guilty of giving a reward to one child and not the other.
When one does well in something, we feel it's unfair that we've rewarded that one and not the other, which is unrealistic. Our children needs to know that success depends upon their action and good deeds.
Avoid giving material rewards too often as well. This sets the wrong motivation.
5. We don't share our past mistakes
Teens are going to want to become more independent and try things on their own. While, yes, we should 100% support them in their decisions allow them to navigate the waters on their own, this doesn't mean we can't guide them through.
One good way is to share with them your own mistakes when you were in their age to help them learn how to make good choices. Steer away from telling stories with negative lessons learned as this may come off as a form of control, etc.
This small talk helps your kid prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced the same experience, actions that drove you, and the lesson you have learned.
6. Intelligence is not the same as maturity
Some parents assume that an intelligence is tantamount to a child's maturity. That is not the case. An intelligent child is not always ready for the world. Just because your child is gifted in one aspect, it doesn't mean that it pervades all areas.
Try observing other children of his age and see if they're more proactive or if they can do more things. If they are, then you may be delaying your child's independence.
7. Practice what you preach
We always want our children to be the best and out do what we have made with our lives. However, we often don’t realize that in order for our children to be that, they should have a role model—someone to show them the sense of responsibility, goal setting, respect, discipline, etc. And who else fits to become the best model for our kids than ourselves.
In a Nutshell..
Modern parents tend to focus on the now rather than the later. Hence, when we look back to our own parents, they are more focused on the future—your readiness to take on the world, saving money and not spending too much, etc. This is the mentality we should engrave in our heads.
Be aware of the words you say, actions you do. Coach your children don’t reprimand them for mistakes. Constantly communicate with them and don’t use fear to get your desired response.
Parents who are able to focus on tomorrow, not just today, produce wise, responsible and productive children.
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